Steven McNair

TECH, MUSIC, POLITICS, AND GOD

 
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Which ones of these are true?
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Q - What did the drummer get on his I.Q. test?
A - Drool.

Q - "Hey buddy, how late does the band play?"
A - "Oh, about a half a beat behind the drummer."

· Heard backstage: "Will the musicians and the drummer please come to the stage!"

Q - How do you know when a drummer is knocking at your door?
A - The knock always slows down.

Q - How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A - "Why? Oh, wow! Is it like dark, man?"

Q - How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A - Only one, but he'll break ten bulbs before figuring out that they can't just be pushed in.

Q - How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A - Two: one to hold the bulb, and one to turn his throne (but only after they figure out that you have to turn the bulb).

Q - How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A - Twenty. One to hold the bulb, and nineteen to drink until the room spins.

Q - How do you get 2 drummers to play in time?
A - Shoot one.

Q - Why'd the chicken cross the road?
A - To get away from the drum solo.

Q - What do you call someone who hangs around musicians?
A - The Drummer.

Q - What do drummers use for birth control?
A - Their personalities

Q - Why didn't the little drummer boy get into heaven?
A - Because he woke the baby Jesus!

Q - What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
A - Gifted.

Q - Why to bands need Roadies?
A - To translate what the drummer says.

· Two drummers walk into a bar, which is funny because you would have figured the second one would have seen the first guy do it. (Bar, get it!, Not a Pub)

Q - What do you call a Drummer driving a Volkswagon?
A - Farfromthinken

Q - What's the difference between a drum machine and a drummer?
A - You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once!

Q - How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A - Just one, so long as a roadie gets the ladder, sets it up and puts the bulb in the socket for him.

Q - What's the best way to confuse a drummer?
A - Put a sheet of music in front of him.

Q - What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
A - You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.

Q - If a dollar bill was laying in the centre of a room, and the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, a drummer with good time, and a drummer with bad time were standing in the corners, who would get the money?
A - The drummer with bad time since the other three don't exist.

Q - What do you get if you cross a drummer with a gorilla?
A - A really dumb gorilla!!!

Q - Why is a drum machine better than a drummer?
A - Because it can keep a steady beat and won't sleep with your girlfriend.

Q - How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A - Five: one to screw in the light bulb and four to talk about how much better Neil Peart would have done it!

Q - How can you make a drummer slow down?
A - Put a sheet of music in front of him

Q - How can you make that drummer stop?
A - Put notes on it!

Q - How can you tell when a drummer's at the door?
A - The knocking speeds up.

Q - How can you tell when a drummer's at the door?
A - He doesn't know when to come in.

Q - How is a drum solo like a sneeze?
A - You can tell it's coming, but you can't do anything about it.

Q - How can you tell when the stage riser is level?
A - The drool comes out of both sides of the drummer's mouth.

Q - How can you tell when the stage riser is NOT level?
A - The drool only comes out of one side of the drummer's mouth.

· A bloke walks into a shop and asks for a 50 watt Marshall amplifier and a Fender Stratocaster guitar. The shop assistant says "Excuse me sir, but you're a drummer aren't you?" The man says "How could you tell?" "Well this is a laundry mat" says the assistant.

Q - What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?
A - "Hey, guys - why don't we try one of my songs? ..."

Q - What do you call a drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend?
A - Homeless.

Q - What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?
A - About four bars by the end of the song.

· Johnny says to his mom: "I want to be a drummer when I grow up."
Mom: "But Johnny, you can't do both."

Q - Did you hear about the drummer that could play a steady beat?
A - Me neither.

Q - How can you tell if a drummer has been doing the crossword?
A - All the squares have been coloured in.
posted by Steve @ 11:23 PM  
3 Comments:
  • At February 1, 2009 at 2:29 AM, Blogger Alyx said…

    Hey Steve, do you think you could send me the chords to Sixth Gear? The band in my home wants to learn it from FDTP. My email is: luv_isblind_imnot@yahoo.com Thanks so much! xx

     
  • At February 1, 2009 at 7:04 PM, Anonymous rinsing the floor said…

    "Will the musicians and the drummer please come to the stage!" I loved this one. Sort of like how people always say "Will the musicians and Florence please come to the stage."

     
  • At February 2, 2009 at 7:32 AM, Blogger BladeMaster said…

    yeah man tabs for six gear would be cool, the chords have already. ahah man sounds like you took the word blond out of some of these and put drummer instead.

     

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